Ever wonder why sometimes when you go and chat up a woman it goes amazingly well and other times the conversation simply nosedives and the woman makes an excuse to leave? Well, there are a lot of different factors that can influence how well a conversation goes. For instance, the situation that you happen to be in, the mood the woman is in, the time frame, etc, etc.
However, what I’ve noticed after years and years of personal experience and nearly three years of coaching other guys is that there is one factor that seems to be more critical than all the others. The thing that seems to have the most detrimental impact on an interaction is how much the guy ‘needs something’ from the woman.
For instance, a guy might go in feeling as though he really ‘needs’ to get her phone number or feeling that he really ‘needs’ to have sex with this woman. This feeling of ‘needing something’ is projected onto the woman and she picks it up it very clearly. Consequently, women seem to instinctively want to leave or terminate the conversation.
If you’re projecting this ‘needing something’ vibe you really need to take a second look at your motivations and drives for interacting with women. Don’t get me wrong, we all want to have sexual relationships in our lives but this can’t be the primary focus whilst we interact with someone.
There are two key things that I like to focus on when I interact with a woman. The first thing is the interaction itself; the exchange of words and energy, the feeling of amusing myself, the excitement and tension, and the feeling of reaching out and connecting with someone and putting a smile on their face.
When your focus of attention is primarily on enjoying the interaction you no longer project the vibe that you need something, instead you project the vibe that you’re interacting for the sake of interacting, because you love to do so. Since the woman no longer feels that you’re trying to get something from her it’s likely that she’ll no longer feel the need to be defensive by terminating the conversation.
“Success is not they key to happiness, happiness is the key to success. When you enjoy what you do, you’ll be successful.” -Herman Cain
The second thing I like to focus on is the appreciation of the woman herself. Women are absolutely amazing and beautiful creatures and when in the presence of a woman it’s very easy to rest your attention in appreciating her. This is done verbally by expressing how you feel about her and asking questions that show that your genuinely interested in getting to know her.
It’s also done non-verbally. A non-verbal appreciation is communicated in the way that you look into her eyes, the way that you smile at her and the tonality that you adopt as you communicate. In focusing on what you appreciate about the woman who you’re talking to you project a warmth that compels her to stay, rather than leave.
Next time you go and chat to a woman, why not try and shift your focus of attention towards enjoying the interaction and appreciating the woman herself. Whilst you might not have a great interaction every single time, you may notice that in shifting your attention away from being ‘needy’ you’ll have a lot more successful interactions, and more enjoyable ones too.
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, personal coaching could be exactly what you need.