So your social circle hasn’t been yielding fruit for some time and you doubt it ever will again. This is very common. You get to a certain point where you’ve been in the same job for a long time and your social circle is no longer expanding. Consequently, all the women you know are either friends or unavailable.
Usually, this is when the idea of learning the art of talking to strangers is taken up. No doubt this is a great skill to learn. However, it certainly isn’t the easiest way to meet women. The easiest way is through your social circle. So, how does one go about reviving a stagnant social circle?
Well, it’s a lot simpler than you might think:
Step 1 – Expanding Connections
If your social circle is no longer growing it’s probably rotting. You see the same old faces and you go through the same old routines. Time to switch things up. The first thing you must do is expand.
Take up a couple of new hobbies. Maybe do some things you have been thinking about doing for a long time but never got around to. Don’t bullshit yourself and pretend you don’t have time because all it takes is a couple of hours out of your week. That’ll be two hours less wasted in front of the TV. Make sure whatever you choose is something you’re genuinely interested in and something that’ll introduce you to a lot of new people. Some great ideas include salsa classes, yoga, fitness classes, rock climbing, Spanish lessons, etc. Group activities will be a lot better than solo activities like the gym.
Whatever you decide on make a concerted effort to be social before, after and even during the activity. Introduce yourself to people and make connections. When you meet people you get on with, male or female, keep in contact. Do not immediately crack on to every woman you meet. This will not help your cause.
Step 2 – Solidifying Connections
After you’ve made a few connections and exchanged contact details you have to start to make things social by organising some meet-ups. After all, it’s not a social circle if it’s not social. The last thing you need is a few more people on your facebook friends list whom you don’t ever meet up with.
The easiest and lowest investment meet-up is to do something after your usual shared hobby. If you met some cool guys at a rock climbing class then invite them to out for a beer after class sometime. If you met some fun women at Spanish lessons then take them for a coffee after the lesson. This allows some time to build rapport and get used to hanging out together outside of your usual hobby. After this it’ll be much easier to invite them out somewhere else another time.
At this stage it’s all about turning connections into real friends who are part of your social life, people that you actually hang out with from time to time.
Step 3 – Network Generation
After a few weeks you should have a few pockets of new buddies that you hang around with here and there, plus your existing friends from before. Step three is where the magic happens, this is where you actually generate a new network.
This is done by organising plans to get everybody together. It doesn’t matter if it’s a party, a club night, a festival or anything else. If you can get a few different pockets of friends together to share some fun you will start to generate a new social network. Make every event you organise an open invitation so that friends of friends are always welcome. This ensures that even your new guy friends are likely to bring more women into your network.
I call it your network because you are the creator, and as such you get to be the most significant person in the group. At any event you organise everyone who is there will be bound together by a common cause… You! This puts you in a great position to reap the rewards. All those friends you’ve made will see you in a more favourable light since you’ve put them in touch with new people. And the friends of friends whom you don’t really know yet will be more open to you as a result of the fact that you share a common friend.
The more times you can get people together the more you will solidify and expand your new social network. Don’t forget to make new connections and exchange contact details with everyone whom you meet. With a new and flourishing social circle it should be very easy to reap the rewards and double your dating. So, let’s talk about how to use your new social circle in your dating life…
Step 4 – Consider your Options
Unlike striking up a conversation with a total stranger, your social circle isn’t something that you should be prepared to crash and burn with. If you go around hitting on every woman you find even remotely attractive you’ll find that your new network falls apart pretty quickly, even if you’re successful. Take your time and consider your options carefully.
If you’re half intelligent you should have figured out whose available and whose not. You should have also had the opportunity to see who you have the best connection with and test the water with a little mild flirting. Decide exactly who it is that you’re most attracted to and don’t allow yourself to become distracted by several women at the same time.
Step 5 – State your Intentions
When I say take your time I don’t mean to the extreme. You snooze you lose. Things move more slowly in your social circle than if you approach a stranger in a bar. However, if you wait too long for the perfect moment then you’ll probably end up in the dreaded friends zone.
Sooner or later you have to grow some balls and let the woman you like know that you like her. Invite her out for a drink sometime, just the two of you. You should find that your success rate for getting a date together is much higher in your social circle than outside it. This is because the women in your social circle know you better and feel more comfortable with you.
However, if things don’t work out then stay friends, leave it a little while, keep your network ticking over, and find someone else you like a little later down the line. Needless to say, do not do anything to jeopardise your network. Do not go straight after the best friend of the one who rejected you, this will not help. With a new social network you should have plenty of opportunities from here on out.
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, personal coaching could be exactly what you need.