If only you could defeat or conquer your fear then everything would be just perfect, right? Wrong! The idea that fear can be successfully fought against and defeated is fundamentally flawed. By putting fear in the position of the enemy and fighting against it you only serve to increase its burden.
“Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” -Eckhart Tolle
Fear is not to be resisted. You may have noticed in the past that every time you really resist your fear it becomes amplified. It goes from being merely uncomfortable to becoming absolutely paralysing. Resisting fear is just like pouring petrol on a fire to try and put it out, it has the opposite to effect to what is desired. So if fear shouldn’t be fought against, what can be done?
Well, first ask yourself the question, ‘can I accept my fear and take the right action regardless of it’s presence?’ Learning to accept your fear and take action in spite of it is the first step in the right direction. The second step is to move beyond acceptance and to learn to love fear.
Truly loving your fear might sound like a strange concept but this is the ticket to freedom from the shackles of inhibition. When fear comes, instead of trying to fight it or overcome it, you can embrace it with an all encompassing love for it. If you can, metaphorically speaking, wrap your arms around your fear and kiss it on the lips, it will be absolutely transformed.
It isn’t correct to say that your fear will be gone, it won’t. However, it is true to say that it will be transformed. Fear will be transformed into a profound excitement that will empower your interactions. This is the art and science of emotional alchemy. Love is the catalyst that transforms the emotional lead of fear into the emotional gold of excitement.
How can you love your fear when for so long you have fought and resisted it? Well, it’s probably no good trying to make this jump without an intermediary step. This is why I suggest first learning to accept your fear. Moving first from resistance to acceptance, and then from acceptance to love is a natural progression.
It’s also a journey into feeling, and getting more and more in touch with your inner body and emotions. When you resist fear you attempt to avoid feeling it. In accepting your fear you begin to let it in and feel it a little more. And in loving fear you fully open up to it and merge with it.
It’s no longer that you’re fighting your fear, it’s that you’re becoming one with it. When you become absolutely pregnant with fear, feeling it fully, only then can you give birth to the power of excitement.
The transformation of fear into excitement will lead you towards powerful actions in all those circumstances that fighting fear caused you paralysis and suffering. This is why loving fear is the path to freedom and fighting fear is the path to bondage.
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, personal coaching could be exactly what you need.
Beautifully explained. I’d love to have you on my talk radio show sometime. heart2heartalkradio.com.
Kind Regards,
Linda Lawosn