There is no such thing as perfection, at least not in my experience anyway. As far as I can see, everyone, absolutely everyone, has their flaws. And since perfection is illusory, the habit of chasing it can lead you towards a lonely lifestyle, absent of a woman in two different ways.
The first of these ways is when you seek perfection within yourself. If you believe you must be perfect in some way in order to attract the right woman, you are destined for failure. In reality, a man who is attractive to women does not have to be, in any way, flawless. It isn’t perfection that attracts a woman, for perfection doesn’t exist.
It’s not the man that has to have the perfect line to say at any given moment that attracts the woman, because inevitably, there will come a time when he doesn’t have the perfect line to say. When this time comes he will be shaken by not knowing what to say, an illustration that he is not at peace with himself. Any man who is ‘trying’ to be perfect obviously feels imperfect and incomplete. He constantly feels that he needs to prove himself, that he needs to be more than he already is.
In actuality, it’s the man who feels absolutely at peace with not knowing what to say, or saying the wrong thing, the one that is totally okay with all his imperfections, that is attractive. He may fumble his words or put his foot in it from time to time but internally he is unshaken. He is unshaken because he doesn’t hold himself up to any illusory ideal, and he is at one with his flaws. He has nothing to prove, not to himself, nor to anyone else. He knows his own inherent value as a man and an individual, and as a result his character shining forth for all to see.
This has been obvious to me for some time but I gave myself a stark reminder recently when I went out with a friend and we decided to record some interactions on video (you’ll get to see some of them soon, keep an eye on the site). I noticed that a lot of my conversations were, to be honest, boring! Despite this, in a lot of cases, the women I was interacting with were still very much attracted. Why? Because despite the fact I may have been talking about topics that were completely mundane, I was okay with that! I didn’t feel the need to be telling the best stories ever, or to be cracking jokes left and right and make her laugh at the end of every sentence. I was quite happy to have a boring conversation.
Being okay with your flaws and imperfections communicates one very simple but powerful thing -that you have nothing to prove! Don’t get me wrong, from time to time being interesting and impressive is very helpful. Most likely, if I had some cool stories to tell during these interactions they would have gone even better, so long as I was telling those stories just for the fun of it and not to show how off. But the important point to remember is that this isn’t necessary. What is necessary is to recognise that you are whole and complete without conforming to some imagined state of perfection. Once this is seen clearly, your natural charisma will shine through.
The second problem that occurs when chasing perfection, is of course, when you seek perfection in a woman. The perfect woman does not exist, and God knows I’ve searched long and hard for her. Women are beautiful and astounding creatures regardless of their flaws and imperfections. The problem is that when you hold them up to your fantasy of how you think a woman should be, none of them are quite good enough. So often the ones that meet your aesthetic ideal are not the best emotional match, and the ones that are the best emotional match are overlooked because they don’t quite fit the fantasy.
You could be the greatest ladies man the world has ever known, but if you’re looking for some kind of perfection you’ll be left without the warmth and sensuality of a woman for the rest of your lonely life. I’m not suggesting that you settle for someone who isn’t right for you, all I’m suggesting is that you’re realistic enough to see beyond your fantasies. Sometimes reality is better than fantasy, but if you pass up opportunity after opportunity in search of an ideal, you might never realise that for yourself.
“Perfectionism is slow death.” -Hugh Prather
Abandon perfectionism. In doing so you’ll find a deeper love for yourself and a deeper love for women, leaving you with more options than you’ll know what to do with.
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, personal coaching could be exactly what you need.