If there were one trait or characteristic that women universally find attractive in a man it would be confidence. And by confidence I don’t mean acting confident or pretending to be confident. I mean BEING confident, so that it emanates from your core in everything you do.
“Being confident is not about expressing confidence, it’s about confidently expressing everything” –Wayne Elise
But what if confidence is not your strong point? What if you’re confident in some situations but not others?
Well, if this is the case then don’t panic, confidence is not something you either have or don’t have. It is something that can be awakened within you and to some degree we all have some level of confidence already.
This is usually in areas where we are quite proficient at something, areas where we have enough experience that we have belief in our own abilities. This may be a confidence in our IT skills, a sport that we play, or a musical ability.
The key point to note is that confidence is the result of experience. The more reference experiences you have that tell you that you can do something the more confidence you will have. So, the way to build confidence in areas where you don’t have any reference experiences is to go out and start to test the water.
In other words, start to try to do things that you’ve never done before.
This is a very scary prospect for most people because to attempt something which they’ve never done before often requires trying to do something that they don’t believe is possible. However, if you don’t test the boundaries of what you believe to be possible then you’ll never know what your potential is.
One of the reasons I’m a big believer in doing demonstrations for my students is so that they can see what is possible with their own eyes. This is a reference experience in it self, it creates the reality that someone can do it.
The next problem is overcoming the assumption that they can’t do it themselves. This is done by testing the water again and again until things begin to click.
Perhaps, the first two or three times someone approaches a woman and tries chatting her up it might not go so well. However, they will begin to notice improvements if they focus on the doing the right things. Eventually, a woman will come along, they’ll approach her and things will go really smoothly. This will become a reference point in this person’s mind, in future situations they can think to themselves, “I’ve done this before, I can do it again”.
If they keep practicing they will develop so many reference experiences and become so proficient that they will think, “I can do this consistently”.
Still, their may be limiting beliefs in someone’s mind that hold them back in other situations. Common ones might be, “I can’t approach groups of women”, or, “I can’t approach if she’s with guys”, etc, etc.
When a person feels confident in one situation but not in others this is known as situational confidence. In order to create core confidence you must keep testing and disproving your existing limiting beliefs.
Ultimately, there will come a time when you have disproved so many of your previous limiting beliefs that even if you encounter a situation that you’ve never encountered before you will have the belief that you can succeed.
Your mentality will be, “well, I’ve never approached a woman who’s on the phone, made her hang up and got her phone number before but there’s no reason why I can’t”. When you reach this stage of total faith in your own abilities and trust in your faculties, no matter what the circumstances, you will have some level of core confidence.
This is the moment of liberation from the shackles of social conditioning because confidence means belief, and belief means infinite possibility.
“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, either way you’re right!” –Henry Ford
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.