How do you manage to get a date to finish at your place? Well, it’s really not that difficult providing you’ve built a good connection with the woman and you use your social intelligence.
The mistake most guys make is that they don’t have a good reason to go back to their place and so it seems as though they’re just dragging the girls back for sex.
Of course, when you have established a really good connection with a woman there is absolutely nothing wrong with going back to have sex. It’s not about the quantity of time you spend together, it’s more about the quality. If you really like each other and you both want to it’s fine, even on the first date.
However, social conditioning creates a problem here. People are socialised in such a way to believe that it’s not okay to have sex to soon by their families, the media, the films they watch, and so on and so forth. Women are particularly conscious of this. Consequently, it’s important to have a reason to go back home that isn’t about sex.
If you were to say to a woman you were dating “let’s go back to my place to have sex”, most women would probably say no because it’s too forward a statement to comply with. Due to their social conditioning they would feel bad, or as though they were doing the wrong thing.
However, if you were to talk about what kind of films she likes and then later mention you have a really cool DVD at home that you could both go back, chill out and watch, then she is much more likely to agree.
Now, this does not necessarily mean that the two of you will have sex! But, it does offer you the opportunity to go home, snuggle up under a duvet, watch a DVD and maybe take things further.
You can try and escalate things from there and if she’s keen then you can go ahead and make things happen. If not then that’s okay too, you can just enjoy the film and maybe on another date when she’s ready you can take things all the way.
For some reason, the less you seem dependent on having sex straight away the more likely it will happen sooner.
Having a reason to go back to your place displays social intelligence. It shows that you understand how to make her feel comfortable about coming back to your place. This is very important because often she will want to come with you but she won’t unless you have a good reason to come back.
You could go back for any number of reasons; to make some food, listen to some music, get a delivery, etc.
Personally, I will try and end every date at my house if possible. At the very least the women I date become comfortable with going home with me and so it isn’t a problem in the future. Even if I don’t manage to establish a sexual relationship on the first date there won’t be any issue with starting the second date at my place, after all they’ve already been there once.
Stay tuned for more posts to make your dating life easier 🙂
(This article was a follow up to this: Dating… Where to go?)
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.