A lot of the time women have a lot of rules when it comes to meeting guys, and this is particularly true of very attractive women. One rule woman often try to stick to is, “I don’t give out my phone number to guys I don’t really know”, and there’s a very good reason for this.
Beautiful women are asked for their number on a regular basis and somewhere along the line they gave their number to a guy who kept trying to call her even after she made it clear not to. Consequently, she decided to enforce the no-number policy.
As a result of this sometimes some women will be unsure about giving you their number even when they really like you, and in the end they’ll often revert back to the no-number policy. The situation often plays out a little like this:
Guy: Your adorable, what’s the best way for us to keep in contact?
Woman: Oh! I don’t give out my phone number to guys I don’t know, sorry.
At this point the guy either gets all whiney, saying “why not? why not?”, or he’s internally affected and then draws a blank -he doesn’t know what to say. The best way to negotiate this situation is to display social intelligence, let her know you understand why she’s being like this:
Guy: Okay I understand, your a beautiful woman and guys probably want your number all the time. If you gave it out every time you’d have a million and one guys calling you up.
Woman: Exactly!
From here, you need to distinguish yourself from “all the other guys” who try to get her number. Up until this point if you’ve done everything right you’ve shared a few jokes and built a bit of a connection, more so than every other guy, so don’t be afraid to remind her of that:
Guy: On the other hand we’ve been talking for a while, you seem to like me and I definitely like you…
Woman: Yeah!
Guy: And hey, if we always resist letting in all the wonderful people we meet in our lives from here on in, our lives will be a lot less interesting as a result.
Woman: That’s true, but I just don’t normally give out my number.
At this point you just need to frame it in such a way that she feels really comfortable to hand over the number. Let her know that your a safe bet:
Guy: Let me put it to you like this, I like you and I’d like to get to know you a little more and I know you’re at least a little curious to get to know me. How about we exchange phone numbers and if we like each other on the phone then maybe we’ll hang out, if you’re not so keen over the phone then just block my number… I’m a big boy, I’ll get over it!
Woman: Ha, ha! Okay, I guess we can see what happens.
This example represents the most resistance your likely to get from a woman who employs the no-number policy. By displaying social intelligence and persevering in a manner that makes her feel comfortable you can still succeed where others might fail.
Social intelligence is the sign of a leader and consequently very attractive, and social comfort is something which a woman needs to feel for an interaction to progress. Always remember this and you’ll make every aspect of your interactions more likely to succeed, not just getting the phone number 😉
Want to get your dating life handled?
Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
Sometimes it is hard for me to find the right words to explain why she should stay in contact with me. Learning to negotiate with women is nice. The little girl-guy script you wrote above is helpful. Keep em’ coming. Thanks!
If she needs convincing, even a little push, to give you her number she’ll be that much of a pain in the ass to date. There are more confident/easier girls out there. Even if she’s been hurt or stalked before, leave her be for a more needy guy and move on. I really think her hesitation is a great red flag and an opportunity to move on to a girl less problematic (of which there are millions).
Andy, you could be right, and probably are in many cases. Though, I don’t think a woman’s hesitation has to mean she’ll be hard work. A little resistance to giving out her phone number is no guarantee that she won’t be more open as she gets to know you better.
Man, I just tried your last line and it almost worked but didn’t. What’s the next line to say without being pushy?
Can you email me personally? thanks.
Mail me at seb@authenticmanwithin.com with a few details and I’ll get back to you.
Bro your method really works…i tried this similar method on a girl,who refuse to go out with me….is there another way in which i can convince her to go out with me….i can tell she really like me,but she is stating that …she is in a dark place right now with her ex…thats why she don’t want to date right now…Please help i really like this girl….Thanks a lot you are the best!
Abdul, all I would suggest is letting her know you’re prepared to take it slowly, no pressure. If that makes her feel better and she complies, keep to your word. And if that is of no avail, just respect that she needs some time alone. Plenty more fish in the sea my friend.
Hie,
There is this girl on campus. Have been into her deep and i couldn’t
talk to her for over a month, we meet like everyday on campus but most
of the time she will be with her friends. What I could only do is give
her the “look” and sometimes she would even smile back and I was
convinced she is also interested in me. last week i man up and talked
to her, she was alone but seems busy, and after some few pick ups, all
of a sudden I had nothing to say and I asked her for her number. she
said next time. Today I saw her alone and we spoke but again she was
walking very fast, i asked for her number again, and this time she
just said “no, cause u will be disappointed, I’m not that kinda
person….” and she went off in her room.
I really like this girl and now I’m afraid I messed up.
honestly, in terms socialising i’m weak, but If she get to know me
well, i’m really an interesting, fun & romantic guy. I have
Ex-Girlfriends who are all over me now, they can testify.
This one is just different, how i feel is different.
I need your help!
I need your tips!
specifically for my situation.
Ansto, choose a woman who chooses you. She said ‘no’ twice. There are many more.
ther is this girl, i really like i asked for her number when she was alone, she agreed but i didnt have my phone with me,so i told her ill get it later that evening, later that evening she was in a group of friends and i called her out , when i asked for the number she said no, am now confused
Silver…
1) Don’t expect consistency from women.
2) Read between the lines. Was she offering to be polite in the first instance rather than just flat out saying no?
3) Use your social intelligence. Women are generally a lot more self conscious in front of their friends.
Hello dear pls how will I Get this girl, I met her one day in school after the short conversation I ask For her number bt she said she don’t give out her number to strangers, she promise to give me some other time I tried to convinced her bt didn’t work. Three week later I saw the sam girl, bt stil refuse to give me her number……pls how do I get her
Good evening. I really like your write up. It’s very interesting and I hope to try it out with this girl I just met. I’ve asked her twice and she keeps saying she doesn’t know me even though we attend the same church and we just greet each time we see. Any tips?
Napoleon, you don’t ‘get’ her. No one gets anyone, she is not an object to be acquired. Also, when the opportunity to connect with any number of women is present, you need not obsess over this one. Choose a woman who chooses you.
Samuel, as I mentioned to Napoleon, choose a woman who chooses you. There is a difference between ‘token’ resistance and a genuine ‘no’. If it’s a genuine ‘no’, move on.
Hello Sebastian Callow excellent article one question that i have is i like this girl i manage to meet her on the job one time thanks to a friend, but since i was really busy i talked her but it was like a 5 min conversation so i decide to give my # to her on paper with my name and a smile, i can back to finish my job, and after a few minutes my friend call me, so i went to where he was, so she was basically next to him, and he explain me that She doesn’t have a phone because of something happen with her ex and that she is given me instead her email” so i explain to her that i was busy and decided to give her my phone # that’s all and not because i thought something bad about her ” so my question is did you think i should be persistent and belive that or should i just let her go?.
I ask a girl of her number she said “no” and i ask her why she told me “nothing” at this point what will i do???
Juan, she’s either interested or she’s not, either telling the truth or not. It’s no big deal either way, wait and see.
Samson, sounds like she’s not keen. Where she is keen but apprehensive you can play it out the way the article suggests. Where she isn’t keen you simply accept it and move on.
Great article, mine’s a little bit different I asked a girl for her phone number and she said she doesn’t remember it, so, I asked if I could give her mine then she said she wasn’t with her phone, so I just asked for facebook name which she gave, I sent her a friend request which she accepted then sent her a message, which she hasn’t replied, my question is should I keep on with this girl or should I just move on?
Jed, if she doesn’t reply at some stage, forget it and move on.