Talking too quickly, moving sharply and rapidly, breathing quickly and fidgeting are all signs of being nervous. Whilst it’s okay to be a little nervous when approaching and conversing with a woman, it’s best if you can at least slow down enough to be present in the interaction and not thinking or worrying too much.
This is particularly important in the first few moments of an interaction. Often, during this period, the way that you interact makes or breaks the conversation. It’s very common for guys to approach an attractive woman and talk so fast that she hasn’t heard anything that has been said, or even registered that she’s actually having a conversation. The conversation usually runs something like this:
Guy: HeyIsawyoufromdownthestreetandIhadtomeetyoumynameisSteve…
Woman: What?!? Erm, I’m sorry, I’m in a rush. I have to go!
No matter how nervous you are you can always pace yourself, and measure your speech a little more. It usually helps to add in a few pauses and really FEEL what you’re saying. It also helps to allow the woman the time to actually register that she’s having a conversation.
The way that I would normally stop a woman on the street is very slow paced. This is because the woman has to feel two distinct feelings for her to continue the conversation.
First, she must be interested/attracted/curious, and second, she must feel comfortable. It is the second factor that is often missing when the guy is too fast paced, she doesn’t feel comfortable and so makes an excuse to leave. Here’s what I do step-by-step:
1) Walk up along side her.
2) Say “excuse me”, whilst simultaneously tapping her on the shoulder with the back of my hand. This is the least threatening way of touching someone.
3) Smile and wait for her to make eye contact. I won’t say anything more until I get clear eye contact.
4) As I get eye contact I’ll position myself just in front of her so our bodies are facing each other. If she’s facing slightly away from me she’s more likely to feel the need to leave.
5) Now, I’ll pace exactly what’s happening for her by saying, “I know you’re on the way somehwhere, but…”. This allows her to agree with what’s happening and register that she’s actually having a conversation with someone.
6) I’ll pause, keep smiling, maintain eye contact, and wait until the emotion that I feel about her is felt in my body.
7) Finally I’ll tell her “I just saw you from down the street”, and then exactly how I’m feeling, “…and I HAD to meet you”. All this is said slowly, and with variance in the tonality because I’m really FEELING what I’m saying.
This slow pace of communicating is generally maintained throughout the conversation. We all communicate at a naturally slow place when we are with our friends because we are not worried about what might happen next, so we are more present in the interaction.
If we can maintain more present in the interaction with a woman by enjoying the interaction itself and the presence woman that we are with, then she is likely to feel both more attracted and more comfortable. Consequently, she is much more likely to continue the conversation.
The same applies to the way that we communicate with our body language and gestures. Slow it down and remain present in the interaction.
Want to get your dating life handled?
Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.