The traditional mindset that men tend to adopt in meeting and attracting women is ‘divide and conquer’. It seems that men want a strategy to acquire and maintain power in their relationships.
Unfortunately, it’s a mindset that I’ve adopted in the past, and it takes a long time to shake it off. Whilst I may not have managed to shake it off completely just yet, it has become clear just how detrimental this mindset is, not just for women but for men too.
Men are often looking for freedom in the dating game. When it comes to dating you experience freedom when you acquire the ability to open up your options. If you can be comfortable enough in your own skin to walk up to any woman and communicate to her exactly how you feel about her then you are going to open up your dating options massively.
No doubt a lot of women will be attracted to you. With this comes some kind of power, and as they say, “with power comes great responsibility”. This power can be, and usually is, abused.
Typically men will use this power to get exactly what they want at the expense of the woman’s emotions. Women are invariably looking for more than just sex. Consequently, if we as men, with the power to meet and attract many different women, go out and have multiple sexual relationships then we are compromising the most basic desires of the women we relate to.
Over the years I have usually overlooked this issue believing that the best that I can do is be honest about my intentions. However, it has become evident that no matter how clearly you state your intentions women can, and do, get swept away in the emotion of it all.
Even if they say that they’re not looking for anything more than what you’re offering, usually they have just convinced themselves of this and inevitably they suffer when their hopes for something more do not materialise.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, you’re probably thinking of various counter examples to the principle that women are looking for more than just sex. And the truth is that there are a lot of women out there who do seem to just want sex. These women seem to be a little bit emotionally tougher than other women.
Why is that?
Perhaps it’s because they’ve been let down by us men so many times that they’ve had to become a little tougher emotionally. Perhaps they still really crave more than just sex but they’ve lost touch with their emotions through having to be a bit tougher.
Now stop for a minute and consider what most attracts you to women, and I don’t mean physically. If you think about the things that most attract you to a woman you often think of their softness, sweetness, innocence and radiant sensuality.
You probably don’t find yourself too attracted to tough women, and yet this is exactly what you encourage when you put women through emotional suffering. You are encouraging them to become emotionally tougher and in doing so showing a lack of respect for the innate beauty of women, which is in their softness.
Not only is this bad for women but it’s also counter productive for you, as a man, to lead women away from the very qualities that you are attracted to.
This is why it’s important that once you’ve acquired the power to open up your dating options that you don’t abuse it. It’s best if you hand the power back to the woman, in doing so you’ll be respecting their innate beauty.
Why not try as an experiment paying a little more attention on what each woman you interact with really wants wants before you go steaming ahead stamping your intentions all over the interaction. It might just work out better for you too!
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.