Unfortunately, for many men there’s a lot of arrogance and bravado that go hand in hand with meeting and attracting beautiful women. Guys often like to claim they have an amazing ability at picking up women, and regularly boast about their conquests. In fact there’s even a collective belief that arrogance is something women are attracted to.
However, it’s not a belief that matches my experience of meeting and attracting women. I can’t remember any time when arrogance has served me well in my dating life, in fact it’s humility that has served me best.
It’s in appreciating that you don’t know what will happen when you interact with a woman, that allows you to step into the moment without any thoughts clouding your mind. Thoughts are often of an arrogant nature, thoughts often think they definitely know what should happen next.
However, no thought ever really knows exactly what is going to happen next, how could it? And the presumption that an interaction should definitely unfold in a particular way is the ultimate arrogance, and only serves to create an attitude of indignation.
I’ve heard things like “I complimented her and she didn’t even appreciate it”, or, “I tried to talk to her and she wouldn’t even stop to talk to me”, all too many times. If you presume that if you act in a certain way then the women that you talk to should definitely respond exactly as you expect you might find yourself a little incensed if they don’t.
The reality there is that there is no definitive rule book or code of conduct for human interaction. How can you possibly expect that any other individual will definitely act in a particular way! In human interactions anything and everything can and does happen.
If you can be humble enough to stop trusting your thoughts absolutely, humble enough to stop thinking that you definitively how it will be, then you can enjoy two major benefits to your interactions.
First, you can free your mind from the cloudiness and haze of over thinking that often prevents you from accessing your conversational creativity. Second, you can save yourself from the indignation that stifles you when things don’t happen as you think they should have.
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
— T.S. Eliot
If you can enter the ultimate state of humility, the state of being humble enough to admit that you don’t know, then there’s no way that you can feel indignant when a woman responds in a certain way because you have no definite expectations of how she should or shouldn’t act. Consequently, you can continue to interact without a sense of unfairness.
For instance, if a woman doesn’t respond to a compliment then you can continue conversing without being affected, and perhaps later in the interaction she’ll become more receptive. Similarly, if you want to talk to a woman and she doesn’t stop walking to talk to you, you don’t have to be outraged by it, instead you can just walk and talk with her.
Next time you want to talk to an attractive woman try going in without any definite expectations. Don’t have any outcome in mind or any belief that the woman absolutely should or shouldn’t act in a particular way.
Step into the void and experience the aliveness that comes from being humble enough to not-know!
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.