All our lives we have learned and been taught that effort brings reward. The more you study the better your grades are, the more football practice you do the better the footballer you become. The same also applies to your dating life, the more time you spend talking to women the better you get at it.
However, there are a few circumstances in life where more effort doesn’t bring more reward.
One of those circumstances is within the context of an interpersonal interaction between you and a woman, the harder you try to make something happen between the two of you the less attracted she’ll be. Now, I’m not suggesting that you shouldn’t express interest in a woman or compliment her, or keep moving things forward.
In fact I suggest that if you feel like complimenting her you should, but only because you want to and it feels right, and not because you think it’ll get a good reaction.
What I’m really referring to when I talk about trying too hard, is trying to prove yourself, trying to be impressive, or trying to act in a way that you believe will induce a positive response. This kind of trying is a symptom of an underlying condition, and that condition is the belief that without trying you’re not good enough. And women, being the perceptive creatures that they are, will spot this more often than not.
If you truly believe in yourself and what you have to offer then there is never any need to brag about your accomplishments. Nor is there a need to act like a clown to get a positive reaction. Instead you simply communicate exactly what you feel in any given moment.
This might mean that you tell a story or make a joke, but for no other motive than because you feel like it. It might also result in a situation whereby you spend a little less time talking yourself, and a little more time listening and appreciating the woman that you’re with.
In fact, a sign of a good interaction is one in which the woman is doing most of the talking, it’s a good indication that she is opening up and investing in the interaction.
In the simple act of communicating authentically and allowing the woman that you relate to the space to open up, the interaction becomes easy. Things just happen as they happen effortlessly, and within that effortlessness it is clear for the woman to see that you have nothing to prove. And more often than not, women will spot that this ease and effortlessness is a symptom of another condition; they will see that you’re a man who knows his own self-worth.
In summary, if you recognise your own value and self-worth than the women that you relate to will recognise it too. And that recognition will take place effortlessly, without any trying on your part!
Want to get your dating life handled?
Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.