If you’re a man who values himself you won’t settle for anything less than choosing to get the best out of life. You want to have a career that inspires you, you want to eat good food, live in nice accommodation, have a great circle of friends and enjoy all the culture that life has to offer.
And if you are this kind of man you shouldn’t settle for anything less when it comes to finding the right woman. This means that you shouldn’t settle for a woman who you are not wholly attracted to and inspired by, and more importantly, you shouldn’t settle for anything less than loving that woman totally.
When I say that you shouldn’t settle for a woman that you aren’t wholly attracted to, I do not mean by this that you should overlook every woman who doesn’t absolutely adhere to your “fantasy woman.” I simply mean that you should feel a strong sexual attraction.
Perhaps as important as this sexual attraction, or even more so, you should feel inspired by a woman. There should be something deeper than just the physical attraction, something about a woman that invigorates you in some way. I don’t mean that you simply share commonalities and get on well together, but rather that she possesses some quality that helps you to grow in some way.
Being around her you might get the feeling that you can be more of what you already are; more decisive, more determined, more empathetic, more loving. Ultimately, if she doesn’t inspire you and excite you in some way that is more than just physical you probably shouldn’t be with her, this will not help you to grow.
“Every moment of one’s existence one is growing into more or retreating into less. One is always living a little more or dying a little bit.” -Norman Mailer
When you meet a woman who causes sexual attraction, inspires and excites you, you should act upon your desire to be with her. You should express exactly how you feel about her with total clarity, even if this might seem scary.
And should you manage to secure a relationship with this woman then you should love her totally, without holding anything back.
You aspire to be the best at your chosen profession, you aspire to be the best friend that you can possibly be, you aspire to be the most that you can possibly be in life. So why aspire to be anything less than the absolute best lover that you can possibly be?
Inspire her the same way that she inspires you, by loving her with all your heart and penetrating her very being with your total loving presence.
In doing so you will be rewarded by having the totality of your love reflected back to you from her. She will radiate femininity and love back toward you and you can bask in it and all its glory.
“I could climb any mountain, for your love is like a fountain. Let it shower down over me, soak me to the bone. Pour it all over me, am I coming home?” -Ian Brown
However, should you choose to love your woman less than totally or to dilute your love in some way, you will not reap these rewards!
If your love for your woman becomes fragmented in some way, perhaps because you choose to have more than one woman or because you know you have settled for a woman that isn’t who you really desire, then you will have to suffer the consequences.
The love that is reflected back to you will be merely a fragment also. You will not feel satisfied by this love and you certainly won’t be able to bask in it. You might even feel badly nourished by your relationship, just as you feel after eating an unhealthy and unbalanced meal.
You can go on living a meagre existence in this way, retreating into less and less of the man that you are.
Or you could live life fully by loving your woman totally and allowing her to nurture your growth just as the sun and the rain nurture the flowers, causing them to bloom into their fullest beauty and potential.
There is absolutely no reason to settle for less than this!
Want to get your dating life handled?
Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
I settled, in some powerful ways, and now – I passionately expect the best from life, at all times, in all ways, and all situations.
Amen.
I discovered you on LinkedIn and I really enjoy your blogs. It is very interesting to see a Man’s perspective on issues regarding Dating and Relationships.
Keep up the good work !
Thanks Sandy.
Hi Sebastian I love your work , just a quick question I agree with you that you shouldn’t settle for less , but when you say love completely, how can we avoid smothering a girl and becoming needy. For those of us who are new to meeting women shouldn’t we aim for abundance? And if that’s my aim and I know I’m not gonna stay with that lady forever how can I love her fully ?
Thanks bro
Hey Reds, thanks for the kind words and the question. Loving completely, without holding anything back, is anything but needy. In fact, quite the opposite. Only when one feels totally full, totally complete within oneself, can one love fully without holding back. Only when one doesn’t ‘need’ is their love total and complete.
Neediness arises from a place of giving but also ‘needing’ in return, a place of emptiness, a place of looking to ‘get filled up’ by validation from women. In fact, often the search for ‘abundance’ is just this, the ‘need’ for the constant stream of validation from a never-ending supply of women.
Ask yourself if you are looking from abundance from without – a never ending stream of validation from women? Or, are you looking for abundance from within – a feeling of infinite strength that arises from deep inside? The former is the subject of circumstance, when you have it you feel good but when you don’t you feel bad. The latter is nothing to do with circumstance, and when you find it no one can take it away from you.
When you awaken to your inner strength, your internal sense of abundance and fulfilment, you are free. From here you can love without holding anything back, and it’s anything but needy. Rather, it arises from a place of fulness and absolute strength.
Also Reds, you don’t know you’re not going to stay with her forever. Be open to every possibility and attached to none. Maybe you will, maybe you won’t. But whilst you’re there give her everything, all of yourself, and see what happens. Anything and everything is possible.