One of the most common mistakes we make as individuals is to seek happiness outside of ourselves. We believe that external circumstances can make us feel complete, so we run around trying to acquire things that will make us happy.
The one “thing” that seems to promise the most happiness is an intimate relationship. Men and women alike, often feel that if they could have the perfect relationship it would complete them. However, most of us usually overlook the fact that if you’re seeking happiness through someone else then it means that you’re not happy by yourself. And who wants to be with an unhappy and unfulfilled individual?
If you’re seeking happiness from someone else then you’re going to be stumbling through life with an air of desperation, constantly seeking fulfilment from others. With nothing to offer but everything to gain you become like a vampire, seeking to suck the happiness out of everyone you meet.
People, and particularly women, will become repelled by you because beneath all your communication they can feel your neediness sucking the life out of them.
Contrast this with someone who already feels fulfilled, without the need of anyone else to make him feel full. This kind of man has nothing to gain from others, and instead he has everything to offer. Rather than stumbling through life with a wanting look on his face trying to acquire happiness from those he meets, this kind of man glides through his day with a sunshine smile and shares what he has to offer with the world.
Being happy and fulfilled is very attractive. A happy and healthy relationship is one in which two people share their happiness with each other.
“Being happy, making happy -this is the rhythm of love” -Nisargadatta
When you find happiness within yourself then sure enough someone else will show up to share their happiness with you.
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
This is so true and we all know it. I seem to fall pray to this when I have entered into a relationship at the beginning. Just as you have said the vampire in me comes out and I lose all since of who I am. I become needy and over bering to the point of turnoff. I think the way I want to be is caring but it somehow comes out as needy. How can I show interest in a female but not too much? It just seems like a game and I guess I have never been good at playing games. I read a book that relates relationships to a form of “Dance”, and it talks about both individuals giving equal in a relationship. I can never seem to balance this mainly because I am a giving person.
Steve, thanks for your comment, you bring up some interesting issues. It’s great to be a giving person, I certainly wouldn’t advice against this. However, you have to be true to yourself because there are two types of giving; giving freely, and giving to get. If your actions are coming off as “needy”, this means that you need something from the other person. In other words you are giving to get and not giving freely, which in essence is not being a giving person. In any and all situations you must be absolutely true and absolutely aware of your intentions. Ask yourself questions and inquire about your own motivations. For instance, if you are moved to compliment a woman, ask yourself the question, “do I need or want a positive reaction to my compliment?”. If the answer is yes than you are not giving freely and you should refrain from giving the compliment. The more you practice this kind of inquiry the more you will negate wanting behaviours and the more you will free yourself from neediness. Good luck.