The friends zone is a place it is NOT possible to find yourself in given two basic criteria. First, the woman in question is a woman whom you are sexually/romantically interested in. Second, you’re a man who has no qualms with expressing himself even if it means being rejected.
The second criteria is wherein the problem lies. Too many men aren’t prepared to be that guy! The question is of course, why not?
When it comes to existing friends, lets forgo the usual argument of ‘I don’t want to ruin our friendship,’ because in reality this is bullshit! You DO want to ruin it! You want to completely destroy it and rebuild it anew as ‘a relationship.’ If you were entirely interested in just a friendship with any particular woman, you wouldn’t be wanting more.
And when it comes to striking up a conversation with a stranger, lets forgo the argument of ‘I say and do all the right things but she just sees me as a friend.’ Once again, this is 100% certifiable, grade ‘A’ bullshit! If you say and do the right things from the outset, you can only ever be categorized as someone she’s sexually/romantically interested in, or someone she isn’t. There is no middle ground.
So, why do so many men find it so difficult to express themselves?
The answer is of course, because they want to protect their egos. They want to protect their fragile sense of self.
This process of avoiding expressing yourself and protecting your ego, becomes a vicious circle of weakness. The more you protect your fragile sense of self, the more weakened and fragile your sense of self becomes. In the same way as muscles that are not exercised begin to atrophy and weaken, so too does the unchallenged ego.
Men want to feel so strong within themselves that they are not afraid to express exactly how they feel in any given moment, but they do not want to risk hurting their sense of self.
However, the inescapable reality is that, the problems we wish to avoid are actually NECESSARY for the expansion we seek.
Recognise this simple truth and you can start to develop a healthy ego, a sense of self that is not diminished and depleted by ‘negative’ feedback. In this case, your sense of self is no longer based upon the external reactions of others, but is instead based on the internal recognition of your own intrinsic value.
How do you do this?
Quite simply!
Physical strength is developed through the repeated damage and rebuilding of muscle fibre, by lifting weights. Psychological strength is developed through a similar mechanism, by the repeated damage and rebuilding of the sense of self, caused by ‘rejection.’
Being rejected, ultimately, only serves to remind you that no one knows your own intrinsic value as intimately as you do. It reminds you again and again to draw strength, and a sense of your own self-worth, from within. The more rejections you go through, the less crushing they become, because you have gained inner strength.
More and more rejection means greater and greater inner strength.
Sooner or later, you gain the psychological strength that is needed to express yourself fully, openly and honestly with whomever you want, and whenever you want.
And when this becomes the case, you can wave a not-so-fond farewell to the dreaded friends zone… forever!
Go get yourself some rejection today. It’s good for you 😉
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.