She’s cute and sexy and has a charm that makes every other woman pale in comparison. The only problem is that she’s working, constantly distracted, and sees you as just another customer!
I’m not gonna tell you it’s easy because most often it’s not, but where there’s a will there’s a way. The thing that you need to remember about trying to chat up a barmaid in a busy bar is that you’re lacking two key ingredients that make a conversation a whole lot easier; time and attention.
Consequently, you must do what you can to create as much of these missing ingredients as possible, and using the window of opportunity that you create, you better make sure you bring your ‘A’ game.
A strategy I’ve used to great success is what I call ‘The Cocktail Strategy.’ If you and your friends can’t handle a couple of cocktails then perhaps this one isn’t for you. Personally, I love a Caiparinha or two and so do my buddies, so it’s just fine.
Step 1 – Buy some time
Spot the barmaid that you like and figure out which part of the bar she’s serving. Ask a couple of your buddies if they fancy some cocktails and then make your way to the bar, making damn sure you position yourself to get served by the correct barmaid.
As her eyes meet yours have a big beaming smile on your face, ask her how she is and let her know that you’d like three of her finest Caiparinhas or Mojitos or whatever your favourite cocktail happens to be.
If you haven’t already guessed, the purpose of ordering the cocktails (other than getting drunk) is to buy you some time. Knocking up three cocktails takes at least a couple of minutes, and that’s a couple of minutes that she’s serving you and nobody else.
Step 2 – Get her engaged
Now that you’ve got a little time you still have to get her attention because whilst she might not be distracted by the next customer just yet, she’s still focused on the task of making the cocktails.
Don’t hesitate to make conversation. Whilst this isn’t the last time you’ll speak to her, you need to begin to engage her immediately. The simplest way is to make a casual assumption backed up by arbitrary reasoning, all the better if it’s funny.
An example might be…
“Let me guess, you’re a part time barmaid and a full time art student… you seem kind of creative.”
Or…
“You must be Spanish or Italian… you look a little too happy to be a Londoner.”
It doesn’t much matter whether or not your assumption is correct, all that matters is getting her engaged in some conversation.
Take it upon yourself to inject a little banter into the interaction and make sure that before you collect your drinks you get on first name terms. I usually like to finish up the first interaction with something along the lines of…
“Awesome! If you’ve done a good job on these cocktails I’ll be back for more… Your name?”
At this point you can go back to your buddies, chill and enjoy your drinks. Based on this first interaction, you should have some idea about how receptive she is to you.
Step 3 – Express your interest
After you’ve had a chance to chill, enjoy your drinks and have a good time with your friends, you can tell one of your buddies that it’s his/her turn to buy the drinks and offer to go the bar on his/her behalf.
At this point, you go up and repeat the same steps again but this time you ramp it up a bit. You want to try and avoid going back and forth to the bar all night like a creepy drunk stalker, so make this second trip the time when you let her know that you like her.
On this trip to the bar be sure to address her by her name and once again engage her in conversation immediately that is light and playful. Towards the end of the interaction, whilst you’re paying and collecting your drinks, you can let her know that you like her in a humorous fashion.
Try something like this…
“Can I tell you a secret… don’t tell anybody else but, I’m a little bit in love with you.”
When you deliver this you should have strong eye contact and a big cheesy smile on your face. After this go back and chill with your buddies once more and enjoy your cocktails.
Stage 4 – A timely finish
The final stage in this strategy is of course to get the barmaids number. I find the best time to do this is just after last orders have been served. At this point all she’s doing is wiping down the bar and you can easily grab her attention for a minute.
Once again, address her by her name, and say…
“I know you’re working and this is a little random but I’d be kicking myself if I didn’t ask for your number.”
Usually at this point she’ll look at you with a good degree of scepticism and a lot of doubt in her mind. This is normal, she gets hit on a lot after all.
Before she responds, follow up with…
“Let me put it like this, we can exchange numbers and if we like each other on the phone maybe we’ll hang out sometime.”
It’s great if you have a pen handy and she can just quickly and subtly write down her number on a napkin at the bar. That way she’s less likely to get seen by her work colleagues and will feel less self-conscious.
Job done!
Does this work every time? Not even close! But when it works, it works well. If you find yourself in a bar this weekend with a cute barmaid, why not give it a try? Let me know how it pans out for you, and remember… he who dares, wins!
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.