Over thinking and over analysis are the sources of all the weird behaviours that guys adopt when it comes to calling and texting the women they’re attracted to, and this all stems from feelings of insecurity and scarcity.
Sometimes guys call too much because they’re worried that if they don’t keep in close contact they’ll be forgotten about. Sometimes guys wait way too long to make a phone call because they’re afraid they might seem needy if they call too soon.
Other times guys don’t even make a phone call at all because they’re worried the call won’t go well, so they stick with texting because it seems safer. And worse still, sometimes after getting a woman’s phone number a guy will feel validated, and consequently he will never even attempt to make contact with her because he’s worried about losing the validation if she doesn’t reciprocate.
If you’ve ever found yourself guilty of any of these behaviours you’re probably placing way to much value on things working out with one particular woman. Over time, the more comfortable you become with expressing yourself and the more dating options you acquire, you’ll come to see that there are is an abundance of extraordinary women and that there’s no need to worry or fret over just one.
In the mean time, there’s really just one rule of thumb I’d advocate following when it comes to making contact over the phone:
Treat her the same way you would treat a good friend.
When a good friend doesn’t answer your call or text you back straight away you don’t panic, you simply presume he/she’s busy and try again at a time that seems appropriate bearing in mind the purpose of your call.
If you’re calling on a Friday and the purpose of your call is to meet up on Saturday, you might try and call again a couple of hours later and if you don’t get through you send a text.
If the purpose of your call is just to catch up, you might just leave it a couple days and wait to get a call back. If you don’t get that call back in a couple of days, you try again.
Simple enough, right?
No need to over think or overplay it.
So, let’s consider what seems to be the most worrisome situation a guy faces; making phone contact for the first time. This is usually where panic and unusual behaviour first sets in and things begin to fall by the wayside.
Say you meet a nice woman on you’re lunch break whilst you’re in the coffee shop and she gives you her phone number. What next?
Here are the steps that I would usually follow:
1) Send her a text later the same day saying nothing more than:
“Pleasure to meet you today -(Your name)”
The purpose of this is simply to provide a quick reminder of your encounter and to give her an opportunity to save your name and number in her phone. This text doesn’t require any response, although you’ll often get one.
2) Give her a call either the next day or the day after. If you like her then there’s no need to hang about and wait too long to make the phone call, any attempt to do this would just be you trying to play it too cool.
Also, there’s no need to hide behind text messages forever. Have the confidence to make the call. If she doesn’t pick up try again in another one to two days, and if there’s still no answer then you can revert to texting.
In some situations with some women, they may prefer to talk via text because it seems safer somehow. However, always make your first option the phone call, it’s a little ballsier on your part.
3) Make the purpose of your phone call to invite her out for a drink/date one evening later in the week or next week. If you were direct and upfront with her when you first met she’ll know that this is what you want so there’s no need to beat about the bush.
You can treat the phone call exactly the same way as you would with a friend who you wanted to meet up with for a beer later in the week. For example, you call up ask how his/her day was, tell him/her about your day, chit-chat briefly, and then suggest the meet up.
If the woman can’t meet you at the time and date you suggest, she’ll most likely offer an alternative and you can sort something out.
There you have it, phone number to date in three simple steps. Absent of all the over analysis it’s really very simple and very straightforward.
“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” -Leonardo Da Vinci
One more thing to remember when it comes to the phone is that women are in a constant flux of emotions and many of them have very busy lives. Just because she doesn’t answer your call a couple of times that doesn’t mean that the phone number is dead forever.
Needless to say, you shouldn’t continually pester someone who isn’t responding to your calls with more and more calls. This is not smart. However, on occasion you might find that you call a couple of times and send a text after that and you still get no response. This doesn’t always signal the end of the road.
Put that phone number on the back-burner for three weeks to a month and try again. You’ll often be surprised how a dead phone number becomes revived when you call during a different period in someones life.
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.