The old cliche, ‘It’s not what you say but the way that you say it,’ isn’t just a cliche. It’s damn true!
No words a man utters upon approaching a woman will have any significance if that man is not absolutely conscious and present as he says them. And conversely, a guy can get away with saying just about ANYTHING should he be totally present and aware.
Why? Because the ability of a man to be present in the initial stages of an interaction is a good indicator of how much trust a woman can put in him.
If you are unable to consciously deal with the low level of social pressure that comes with approaching a woman directly and honestly, you certainly won’t be able to stand full, present and unreactive in the midst of a woman’s emotional storms. Hence, she cannot feel safe with you, you cannot be trusted, and every word you say has no foundation.
Conversely, if you can remain present in this level of social pressure, it’s a good indicator you may be capable of standing full, present and unreactive in more turbulent social circumstances. Hence, the words you say have power and substance, and indicate a level of trustworthiness and safety.
So, what does it mean to be present? And what can be done to achieve it?
To be present means to be here and now and not escaping into your head about thoughts of past and future. When you’re here and now your eye contact is solid and unwavering, the pace of your speech is slow and measured, and your breathing is deep and full.
You’re not wrapped up in worries about what happened 5 minutes ago or troubled by what might happen 30 seconds from now. Instead you’re absolutely absorbed in this moment and NOTHING else.
If you want to bring more presence into your interactions I suggest you focus on just three things. In fact, if you let these things be your focus rather than focusing on the particular words you use your level of attraction and connection with those you interact with will skyrocket:
Unwavering Eye Contact
When two peoples eyes meet there is very little space to escape the present moment through thinking. Most often thinking involves breaking eye contact and looking away, but if the eyes remain fixed so too does present moment awareness.
Of course, there are times where it is natural to break eye contact and give the one you communicate with a little space, but more often than not you’ll find yourself breaking eye contact as a means of escaping the intensity of the present moment.
Try and make it a practice to hold eye contact with a little less wavering and you’ll find yourself sinking more deeply into presence, rather than retreating into your mind and becoming lost in a labyrinth of thinking.
A Slow Pace of Speech
Speaking more quickly than usual is a sign of uneasiness and discomfort with what is currently happening, an indication of wanting to escape the present moment. Slowing down your pace of speech helps to erode this uneasiness and relax more fully into ‘now.’
When you are fully present your speech is slower, more measured and each word is felt rather than glossed over. You also find that there is more space in between words, brief pauses that add clarity and purpose to your message.
Try as much as you can to slow down your pace of speech and feel every word that you say. As you do so you’ll find yourself immersed in greater levels of presence and conscious awareness.
Deep and Full Breathing
Just like speaking too fast, quick and shallow breathing is a clear indicator of unease with whatever is currently happening. Broadening and deepening your breath allows you to sink more deeply into present-moment awareness.
When you are fully present your breath is deep and full and your ability to give and receive attention to whomever you interact with is at its peak. Your level of sensitivity to whatever is happening is heightened dramatically.
Wherever possible try to be consciously aware of the depth of your breath, and allow it to deepen further and further still until you are completely embracing whatever is happening. In doing so your connection to whomever you interact with will be significantly increased.
By concentrating your attention on these three factors, as opposed to your verbal communication, you will create greater and greater levels of presence and add new dimensions of clarity to your interactions.
This is not what most guys focus their attention on when it comes to interacting with a woman they’re attracted to, and it’s no coincidence that most guys tend to fair pretty poorly when it comes to these situations.
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.