The area of dating, seduction and relationships is an area where ego can very quickly become involved. When a you have a beautiful girlfriend or a history of seducing beautiful women, you can begin to believe that you know everything there is to know about dating.
However, all this does is serve to prevent you from learning and growing. As soon as you say to yourself, “I know,” or, “I understand,” you’ve closed yourself off to new life lessons. Your perceptual filters are shut down and you’re unable to assimilate new information and achieve more growth.
This is something I became blinkered by for some time. Somewhere between my mid to late twenties I figured I had become pretty successful when it comes to dating, having had a lot of sexual relationships with a lot of beautiful women, and I thought I knew it all. Of course, I was completely wrong!
What’s more, this arrogant attitude completely blinded me to new things that I could learn about myself and more refined ways of relating to women. In essence, my growth had become stunted.
For some time I was unable to see that the way I was relating to women wasn’t bringing them or me the most happiness. For some time I was blinded to the fact that a lot of the ‘successes’ I’d had were not so much down to me being the greatest and most fluent communicator, but instead simply due to sheer persistence.
The consequences of this “I know it all” attitude are stark and severe. I was creating unhappiness in myself and others and preventing myself from cultivating the finer arts of interaction.
Luckily, sooner or later this arrogance became seen through, and with renewed humility I was able to create relationships that were more nourishing for both myself and the women I relate to. This is still something I’m working on today since I now recognise that there’s always more to learn.
I was also able to let go of my ‘sheer persistence’ communication style to a great degree, in favour of simply being more still, present and aware in all the subtleties like eye contact and communicating with feeling. This too is very much much something I’m working on to this day, and by no means something I’ve mastered.
Will I ever master these things?
To say that I will master them is to say that one day there will be nothing more for me to learn, that I will have reached a means of relating that is perfect, and this can never be true! I can only say that I will continue to strive for mastery, to strive to interact with more power and clarity, to relate with more depth and heart.
I can only really say that I consider it more beneficial to be a humble student to relating, to women and to life, than to become an enlightened master. And my advice to you is that you adopt the same mentality.
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
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