There is nothing less seductive than a question train, whereby a hapless man shifts from one topic to another, asking question after a question and adding nothing to the conversation.
The interaction usually runs a little like this…
Him: So what do you do?
Her: I work in business.
Him: Oh cool. And where are you from?
Her: From Surrey.
Him: Nice. How old are you?
Her: (Drained from a series of weak questions) Umm, I have to be somewhere. See you!
I’ve talked about different ways of circumnavigating this problem in the past, but today I want to come at it from a different angle. Today I want to illustrate how mundane responses can be transformed into fun conversations by staying on topic, digging a little deeper and making assumptions.
First off, let me point out that it’s okay to ask a couple of questions in a row so long as you’re staying on topic and pushing for a more interesting response. The problem with the question train is that the questioner aimlessly moves from one topic to the next without the conversation ever really attaining any depth or interest.
The truth is, if you’re communicating in alignment with the purpose of getting to know the woman better and seeing if there’s some chemistry, every topic of conversation that you start should move in this direction. This means that you should ask questions you’re genuinely interested in knowing the answers to, and you should playfully push to see where those topics of conversation can lead.
Let’s look at an example of how a conversation can develop when you stay on topic and dig a little deeper rather than hopelessly moving on to the next subject. Say you approach a woman outside a cafe by being direct and upfront and she responds well, and you then proceed to ask her a question to get to know her better…
You: So, tell me about you. What’s your story?
Her: I study English.
Now, at this point, despite the fact you’ve asked a nice open ended question she’s only offered you a three word response. This is quite common early in the interaction because you’ve put her on the spot and she doesn’t know exactly what to say. This is where you have to be creative and dig a bit deeper…
You: I see, and are you a good student or a bad student?
Her: Haha! A good student of course!
By staying on point and digging a little deeper you should at least force a smile from her and peak her interest a little. In some cases she may then go on to say a little more to back up her answer. However, let’s examine the most difficult scenario and assume she again gives you just a few words. Now it’s time to persist further still and throw in a ridiculous assumption…
You: Really? Do you wake up at the crack of dawn, revise for an hour and then attend every class plus a couple of study groups after hours?
Her: Haha! No, not at all! I roll out of bed 5 minutes before I’m supposed to be in the lecture hall and show up late half the time. I don’t attend any study groups either.
You: Well, well, well. Not such a good student after all, hey?
Her: But I do get good marks! My last essay was one of the best in the class I’ll have you know. I am a good student, I just don’t have to try very hard cause I’m smart. Haha!
At this point you have peaked her interest a little more and helped her to share a couple of things about herself, and even to qualify herself to you. From here the conversation can grow organically and move in a variety of different directions. You can continue in more depth on the same topic or you can move on to something else that is related or even something new.
From here it’s okay to switch topics because you’ve added a little more depth and spice to the conversation before moving on.
Let’s take another example where we follow the same format of asking questions, digging deeper and making assumptions. We’ll go through this one without the commentary…
You: What do you do for fun?
Her: I like salsa dancing.
You: Do you like it cause it’s good exercise or cause it’s sexy?
Her: Haha! Because it’s sexy!
You: So is that how you choose all your hobbies? By what’s the most sexy? Are you also a singer and a gymnast? Those are sexy hobbies too you know.
Her: Haha! No, just salsa. I have been salsa dancing for 10 years. It’s my number one way to relax and unwind. If I’m feeling up or I’m feeling down I can just go and dance and everything is okay. Where I’m from salsa is very popular.
As you can see this dialogue follows the same format of staying on topic, digging a little deeper and making an assumption. Again, you can see that after following through with this style of interaction there is the opportunity for the conversation to flow naturally in different directions.
Next time you’re out chatting to an attractive woman don’t get caught in an aimless question train. Stay on topic, be persistent in your line of enquiry and illicit responses by making assumptions.
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
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