Here’s a video filmed a while back of me approaching a woman outside a cafe. The approach is very much minimalist. It shows just how simple it is to create attraction and connection with a woman by simply being purposeful and direct.
The interaction has been edited down to make it a more suitable length for youtube and to protect the privacy of the woman in question.
It starts off with a very simple, playful observation, followed by a statement of intent and a request to join her
She is sitting outside a cafe, having a bite to eat and being disturbed by some unruly pigeons nearby. I simply walk over and say, “I’ve come to save you from the pigeons!” Making a playful observation like this is an easy way to start a conversation. A woman will almost always engage you when you comment directly on her situation.
However, in this case I want to make my intent known early on and afford myself the opportunity to join her. I state, “I saw you as I walked past and you’re really cute, I thought I’d come say, ‘Hi!'” Being direct and upfront is something that most guys don’t have the courage to do, and so it’s enough to peak her interest enough to allow me to join her.
From here I just make some idle conversation to make her feel comfortable and try to find out a bit more about her, first asking her, “What have you been up too today?” It emerges that she’s been to a meeting regarding her modelling work. I make a cheesy and somewhat lame joke that I’m a model too, which makes her smile, before I switch topics.
Typically, it’s best to stay on one topic of conversation before jumping to another straight away. Had I wanted to stay on this topic I could have followed up with a playful question that digs a little deeper into the kind of modelling work she does, such as, “Are you a sexy model or a sophisticated model?” For more on this style of interaction see here.
In this particular case, I switch topics because I’m more interested in her background than her modelling work. I ask her where her accent is from, play a little guessing game, and then ascertain that she’s from Sierra Leone.
This turns out to be a nice area to build rapport and leads me into saying a couple of things about myself. I share that I learned a little of her native Creole from a friend and from working in face-to-face fundraising on the streets of London. It is through the process of sharing about yourself that a woman becomes more comfortable with your presence.
In the second clip you can see that the interaction has reached a ‘hook point.’ This is the point in the interaction where a woman begins to ask questions of you, rather than vice-versa. It is at this point that a woman becomes truly committed to the interaction and willing to invest.
She asks me what I do for a living, and I decide to playfully leverage this investment by asking her what she thinks I might do. In turn she pays me a few compliments, another sign that she is becoming more deeply invested in the interaction.
In the third clip she says, “This is so new to me, this has never happened to me before.” This is not an indication that there is anything magical about my approach, but rather, a testament to the fact that very few guys have the courage to approach women in a day-to-day situation. Of course, this makes it all the more powerful when someone does.
At this point it is clear that I can ramp up my level of purpose and intent. I do this by bluntly asking, “Are you single?” She remains a little testy, asking me why I’m asking if she’s single, and later asking me why we should see each other again. This is ultimately resolved when I state, “Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems like there’s a mutual attraction between us.”
After making this statement I simply pause, look directly into her eyes and wait. This creates a lot of sexual tension, which is relieved somewhat by laughter. She then says, “Oh my God, I never get like this.”
The reason that she never gets, “like this,” is because there are very few men willing to make a verbal recognition of the attraction that is present. There’s nothing special about doing this, it’s simply something most guys don’t do. Again, this makes it all the more powerful when someone does.
Whilst the emotional/sexual tension is at a peak I decide it’s a good time to exchange phone numbers. Women are always more likely to comply with a request when in an emotional state.
In the next clip she says, “So we’re going to just hang out as friends obviously.” I respond by saying, “Sure, friends that have incredibly good sex!” This is relatively unnecessary bearing in mind the romantic/sexual dynamic of the interaction that has been set, but it does ensure beyond any doubt that I won’t be put in the ‘let’s just be friends’ box.
Before wrapping up the interaction I make sure I have her number stored in my phone. Needless-to-say, you should never rely on a woman to call you. It’s your job to take the lead.
In the final clip, before parting company, I ask her to stand up and I give her a hug and a kiss. I do this because touch is the most important aspect of communication. If touch is missing from your interactions with women, you can be sure that they are going nowhere!
Overall, the simplicity of the interaction and the level of attraction that is created serves as a great reminder that meeting women can be very straight forward indeed. To a large extent, by simply being willing to take the risks that most guys don’t take, you can have the dating life that most guys don’t have.
Feel free to leave a comment 😉
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.