To call or to text? This is the question that plagues the minds of men in the modern age of dating. You did the hard part, you approached her, chatted her up and got her phone number, it’s just that now you haven’t got a clue what to do with it.
First of all let me say this, if this question is really troubling you, you’re probably over-thinking things way too much. What matters most is the impression you created when you first met.
If you came across as a relaxed and confident man who was charming and funny and had a genuine interest in getting to know her, guess what? It doesn’t make any difference whatsoever how you follow it up, she’ll be keen regardless. You could send a really lame text or you could call three times in a row and she’d still get back to you.
Equally, if you were nervous and awkward when you first met, neither charming nor funny, and she simply gave you her number out of pity, she’ll never respond to you! You can send the funniest, wittiest, sweetest text ever and she won’t reply. And she definitely won’t pick up the phone unless she thinks it’s someone else calling.
Having said all that, it’s undoubtedly true to say that a lot of situations aren’t this clear cut. Occasionally, she’ll like you but be a little uncertain for whatever reason. Maybe she’s already seeing someone, maybe you didn’t get to chat for quite long enough for her to feel really comfortable with you, etc, etc.
It’s in these situations where you need to figure out which way to play it. Unfortunately, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. At different times with different women, texting will be better than calling and vice-versa. So let’s examine the most important factors you need to be aware of:
Calling is more bold
This is really important to recognise because so often guys will be afraid to call. You’re scared that you’ll fumble your words on the call and mess things up altogether, and so you hide behind the safety of your touchscreen where you can think things through better.
This is lame and usually women can sense it. Often times you’ll text back and forth a few times and things will fizzle out, whereas if you’d just picked up the phone in the first place you could have arranged a date by now.
If the girl in question is confident within herself then she’ll probably expect the same from you, in which case you should abandon the safety of your touchscreen and make the call. It’s always a lot less scary than you think.
Texting requires less investment
In certain situations with certain women, she might be invested enough in the interaction to text back but not invested enough to actually pick up the phone and answer a call. Texting requires a lot less commitment on her part.
This is why in certain situations with certain women, texting can be the better strategy. This is usually the case in situations where you didn’t have enough time to make an impact and get her invested, or at times when you’re dealing with a very shy girl.
In situations where you didn’t have time to create an impact, a well-worded or humorous text may be enough to warm her up to you and peak her interest. Equally, with a shy girl you can adopt a texting strategy and engage her at a level where she feels more comfortable to respond.
Unanswered calls can be remedied by reverting to texts but not vice-versa
If you adopt the call-first strategy and you don’t get through, this can often be remedied by reverting to text. If she’s not answering your calls it’s often an indication that she’s not invested/comfortable enough to pick up the phone just yet, in which case you can adopt the lower investment strategy of texting.
After a few well worded and amusing texts you may be able to arrange a date, or she might be comfortable enough to pick up the phone. In fact, this is quite common.
However, if you start off text messaging and looking for a response but you don’t get one, reverting to calling is unlikely to work either. If she’s not even prepared to answer a text from the safety of her touchscreen, she likely won’t be in in having a conversation with you.
The exception to this is when you send a one-off text that doesn’t require a response.
Bearing in mind these three factors, here’s the kind of policy I’ll usually adopt unless I’m significantly swayed one way or the other:
I’ll send a text a few hours after I met her saying something simple like, “Pleasure to meet you today -Sebastian.” This simply allows her to save my number in her phone if she hasn’t already and reminds her of our encounter earlier in the day.
This text doesn’t require any response at all but sometimes you’ll get one. If she responds AND asks a question, I’ll ping her back and start engaging in a back-and-forth. Otherwise, I won’t send a second text.
The next day or the day after I’ll call her. If she picks up I’ll chat to her briefly the same way I would with a friend and then arrange a date. If you were direct and upfront on the first meet, she’ll be expecting this.
If she doesn’t pick up I’ll call again a couple days later, and if she still doesn’t pick up after this I’ll leave it a day and then revert to texting.
To call or to text? That is the question. And the answer is, use your head and adjust to the situation at hand.
Don’t fall into the trap of being afraid to call, but also be aware of when you need to adopt a lower investment strategy and revert to texting.
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
Awesome post man, makes a lot of sense!
Great post, very well written! Here are my thoughts on texting or calling question.
I am a pretty young man, as I am 20 years old so my demographic is groups of girls who are texting on their phone all the time.
My personal experience is that texting is simply enough. Some odd find it odd when I call; it is unusual for women my age, but then again you set yourself apart from the rest of the guys.
However, I only use phone game for specific purposes like asking a girl out. You can not figure out if you and the girl, you are texting/phoning with is compatible with you; only real life interactions can tell you the truth about what kind of girl you are dealing with.
So just do whatever you feel like, be aware of the situation. Just make sure that whatever you do, you are setting up a date.
Thanks for the contribution Andreas.
Thanks for putting this great information out there. Learned a lot!
Thanks for sharing. This is a stepping stone for most men.