The following is a guest post by Darius of sexystyleforjoe.com:
Have you ever considered why people treat you as they do?
Several years ago, while traveling, I worked as a door-to-door salesman. I remember one sunny morning walking towards a potential client’s house. The owner was working in the yard so naturally I started moving towards him with the intention of introducing myself.
The instance he noticed me his expression changed from, “what a beautiful day,” to, “Jeez… not again…”
I smiled and raised my hand to wave.
“Not interested! Go away!!” –he shouted infuriated, before I could take another step or say a single word.
I nodded at him, still smiling, and went to knock on another house.
But what happened there?
Based on my appearance and body language alone, this man correctly identified me as a salesman. Furthermore, because he identified me as a ‘salesman’ his mind automatically associated me with all the ‘nice’ qualities sales people sometimes have; pushy, needy, sleazy, annoying.
No wonder he reacted as he did, in his mind I wasn’t someone who could help him, in his mind I was a walking collection of everything he so passionately hates.
What Does This Have To Do With Seduction and Dating?
You might have heard that it takes just a short while for people to make their first impression about us. Some sources claim its eight seconds, some say its one minute and I’ve even read somewhere that said it takes about three minutes.
In reality, it takes literally just moments for our mind to make the first impression, and even though it is not set in stone, this first impression is very persistent.
This might be a scary thought, but from the moment women notice us, based on our clothes, on our body language, on our grooming, we instantly get a sort of ‘identity’ in her mind.
Based on this ‘identity’ and her experiences with it, we get another bunch of qualities associated with us.
Sometimes this can be a bad thing and the identity attached to us is of someone who doesn’t interest her romantically. If we would choose to try to change her mind it would take tremendous effort and unlikely lead to any results.
Other times this can be a good thing and while we are talking about our cool hobbies, building rapport, etc., all she thinks about is, “when is he going to stop blabbering and ask me out?”
So the first impression can be a powerful passive tool in our skill set, or a bane that cuts our chances before we even get to make our case.
The question that comes to mind is: How can we manage this first impression?
First we need to understand the variables at play. Our overall image is defined by three main components:
Physique / Physical features
Style (Clothes and grooming)
It wouldn’t be fair to say any of the components is more important than the others, and even though we can compensate lack of one by working on other two, there’s a certain threshold that needs to be met.
We could compensate some unattractive body language by getting closer to the ideal male physique and get sexy clothes to emphasize it. However, if we’re always walking around sloppy, heads held down, our image will scream “pathetic/weak.”
We also don’t need to have a body of a Greek God, as long we know how to present our best selves with solid body language and are able to camouflage our flaws and emphasize strengths with clothes and accessories. Although, if we’re so overweight that we can barely move, our image will first and foremost say, “that fat dude.”
We don’t need to be the best dressed man in the room or even be particularly stylish if we have great body language and physique working in our favour, but if we look like we have the grooming habits of a lazy chimpanzee or the sense of style of Lady Gaga, our image will shout, “avoid me!”
We then need to take an honest look at what our current image is saying. This can be difficult because most of us are so used to the way we dress, that in our minds it doesn’t really say anything, “you know, I just dress with what I feel comfortable in.”
But regardless of whether we like it or not, and whether we are aware of it or not, our image does say a lot about who we are.
So let’s try to shed some light on this:
First, take a photo of yourself or look at yourself in the mirror.
Ask yourself, is your image clean and sharp or rugged and edgy?
What colours are you wearing, bright or darker ones?
How about fit, do the clothes fit you or are they slightly too big/too small?
Body language; are you tense or relaxed, open or closed, straight or leaning in?
How about your physique; do you look strong and muscular or weak and sloppy?
What do you think your image says about you?
Now let’s take a step further and see what it can mean:
A clean look tends to be associated with stability, care, socially acceptable approach, risk-aversion. On the other hand, rugged and edgy gets associated with rebellious behaviour, risk-taking and dominance.
Brighter colours tend to grab attention and show the willingness to stand out. Darker colours on the other hand, are often a way to blend in, become less noticeable.
When it comes to fit, wearing clothing that are oversized shows that we are uncomfortable with our physique and try to hide them.
Body language in turn represents how comfortable, self-assured and confident we are in a particular situation.
A strong and muscular physique is naturally associated with dominant behaviour and a weak/sloppy physique is considered submissive.
It’s important to understand that the interpretations will always be subjective and will have associations based on our previous experiences. However, the combination of your answers should give a rather accurate idea as to what qualities your image represents to the world.
So now you have to ask yourself -are you happy with this representation? This brings us to:
The point of this article is not to freak you about what first impressions you make, but instead to help you create an image that is authentic and congruent with your goals and who you really are.
So think about it for a second, what do you really want:
Are you looking for a nice girlfriend to settle down?
Maybe you just want to enjoy the excitement of casual sexual encounters?
Or, something in-between?
Interestingly, this answer alone says a lot about who you are. So now, how can we adjust our image so it works towards our goal?
Once again it boils down to the qualities we want to represent:
Let’s say you’re looking for someone to settle down with, in this case your image should emphasize qualities like stability, safety, status, confidence.
On the other hand, if you prefer a more promiscuous lifestyle, representing qualities like rebellious behaviour, risk-taking and dominance are your best bet.
If you focus on emphasizing particular qualities, you will greatly increase the chances on making the first impression of someone who has them, and in turn you will attract or repel people who want similar or different outcomes than you do.
In other words, if you dress like a sexual man, women who are looking for casual sexual encounters will be more open to you and women who are looking for serious relationships will screen themselves out.
The Importance of Congruence
The common mistake many men make is that they create an image based on what they think people want to see as opposed to what their authentic self wants.
A man who’s looking for a nice girl to settle with in a serious relationship dresses like a “rock star” because he read somewhere that this image will help him with pick-up.
Or, someone who only wants to have short-term fun but dresses in a business-casual way because he thinks women will respond better if he appears to be classy, high status and safe.
In both cases men are lying about who they are and what they are looking for.
And, in both cases they might have no problem initially, while they are “under the radar,” but it will lead to some awkward moments and difficult conversations later on, when these men reveal their true intentions.
And then there’s the last piece of the puzzle…
Studies show that we subconsciously assume the qualities that we think our image represents. Or, in simpler terms, if we think we are dressing sexy, we are more likely to act as sexual men.
Not only does our image affect how others perceive and treat us, it also affects how we see ourselves, and, in turn, how we act.
So tell me, does your image play in your favour?
This article was a guest post by Darius of sexystyleforjoe.com:
Darius runs sexystyleforJoe.com where he helps regular men, who don’t particulary care about fashion and trends, create a Sexy image for themselves.
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
Personally, I think it is absolutely important to be authentic and thereby to be congruent. I think you should broadcast this authenticity in every area of your life.
It begins with the clothes you are wearing. Is it really you or do you want to impress somebody by running around like a fashion victim?
It continues with things like body language and your voice. Do you try to sound and look very “alpha” and extroverted even if you are an introverted person?
Just represent the person you deep down want to be and do the things you want to do, then you are on the right track…