There are whole host of ways you can develop your sexual prowess, from exploring Tantra, to Taoist sexual energy cultivation, to stroke skills practices… all of which take some time to learn about, practice and develop.
All worthwhile investments of time and energy, but investments nonetheless.
There are, however, things that you can be conscious of and adapt IMMEDIATELY to become better at sex today! No investment necessary. This post addresses just that.
The following are four areas where men, myself included, often fall short of what really satisfies women. This list is derived from personal experience and also anecdotally from close personal friends.
1) Be loud!
Guys are often way too quiet and way too shy in expressing themselves during sex. Even guys who are normally sexually outgoing often become introverted when it comes to showing their enjoyment during the act of sex itself.
This was a big problem for me when I first started exploring my sexuality and having regular sex. And even to this day, as much as I’ve become louder and more expressive, if anything my girlfriend still wants more.
More verbal expressions of how much I’m enjoying myself and louder! The louder I am the more she’s turned on!
In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever heard a woman say that a man was too loud in the bedroom… ever! (Correct me if I’m wrong ladies) However, I constantly hear women say that men aren’t loud enough, not expressive enough.
“For women, the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.” -Isabel Allende
The cardinal sin of course is the silent orgasm! The stealth orgasm that was so quiet it goes unnoticed until the penis slowly becomes flaccid and the realisation dawns upon the woman that this lovemaking session has come to an end.
What a disappointment!
There’s nothing a woman wants more than to hear you being loud and proud when you climax. An emphatic ‘YES!!’ cried out will not only annunciate the orgasm for you and bring you deeper into the sensation, it’ll also be more pleasurable for her too.
She wants to know just how much she’s pleased you. It’s a crime not to let her know!
Next time you’re having sex be as loud and as expressive as you can. Verbalise all your feelings, show your emotions, and when you reach the point of no return… make yourself heard!
2) Enjoy yourself instead of trying to please her
Now, let me be clear about this one, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be sensitive to the woman you’re having sex with and I’m certainly not saying that you should forgo her pleasure for yours.
Rather, what I’m saying is that your pleasure and her pleasure are interdependent. If you’re not enjoying yourself during the encounter, if you spend the whole time worrying about whether you’re pleasing her, then you can be sure that she’s not enjoying it either.
Just like when you interact with a woman that you’re trying to chat up; whatever you feel, she feels. In fact, this is even more true during sex. The two of you are so intimately connected in this moment, not only are your bodies merging but your feelings and emotions are too.
Too often guys get lost in their minds with worries about pleasing the woman, meanwhile they become dissociated from all the pleasurable feelings coursing through their bodies and the depth of emotion that is present.
It’s important to be present and sensitive whilst you have sex, and when this is the case you will please her effortlessly, without ever having to think or worry about it. And this effect will be enhanced infinitely if you can really get in touch with just how much you’re enjoying yourself.
Always keep in mind, whatever you feel, she feels.
If you’re journeying deeper and deeper into the aliveness and sensuality of the sex, so is she.
If you’re enjoying yourself and enjoying being with her beyond measure, likely the feeling is mutual.
Don’t get lost in your mind, stay centred. And when you connect to the depth of your enjoyment, so too will she.
3) Slow down and revel in the foreplay
Is foreplay a formality to you? Is it a means-to-an-end? Is it something you race past just to get to the glorious act of penetration? Is it something you bypass altogether?
If you’re always racing to get to what you consider to be the ‘main event’ during a sexual encounter, it’s probably indicative of the way that you go about your life, bypassing important details and in-so-doing performing at a less-than-optimal level.
Likely, you scoff your meals down and lower your bodies ability to digest your food. (I’m guilty at times)
You may submit assignments and finish work projects without really embracing their depth and detail.
And it’s possible that your ability to grasp the true meaning of what others communicate to you is hampered by a tendency to make assumptions about what they’re saying before they’ve said it.
Foreplay is so often the best part of the sex.
It also happens to be one of the details that is overlooked.
The slow progression from kissing, to caressing, to undressing. A build up of tension that is ecstatic and unforgettable, and contributes hugely to the energy and excitement of the ‘main event’.
For women this slow progression is a chance for them to get really excited and turned-on, and for the juices to really begin to flow. We, as men, often forget this because we can be turned-on and excited so easily.
However, the more that you can embrace the foreplay without trying to skip-ahead to sex, the more centred and present you become. Not only will you turn her on more in the process, you’ll also tune into a zone where you can enjoy yourself more and perform better too!
When you’re in between her legs and licking her pussy, think about nothing else other than the feeling of your tongue caressing her lips and clitoris. Revel in the wetness, the smell and the sensation. Let this act be and end in-and-of-itself, let it be so enjoyable for you that you don’t even need or desire sex in this moment.
S-L-O-W… D-O-W-N… and enjoy every second of every moment!
4) Be surprising and animalistic
You are an animal! How often we forget this.
Sex is an opportunity to tune more deeply into your primal self, where raw animal magnetism, instinct and sensuality take over.
When you sink more deeply into your primal self you’ll find yourself drawn to do things instinctually that you never would have done if you were embodying your everyday, habitual thought patterns.
You feel the desire to pull your woman into you, bury your face in her head and deeply inhale her scent.
You feel the need to clasp the hair at the back of her neck and squeeze it tightly while looking intensely into her eyes.
The mood strikes you to slap her firmly on the buttocks and squeeze her thighs while calling out, “Aaaaaaggghhh!”
You’re drawn to bite her on the shoulder and the back of the neck and nibble on her ears.
As you hover over her you have the urge to grab her feet, put her toes in your mouth and suck on them.
Whenever you are called to do any of these things, and others, go with it. At all times remain sensitive to your partner, her response and her comfort levels, but follow your animal instinct.
At times you may do something that surprises her, but more-often-than-not it’s just the kind of surprise that sinks her more deeply into the pleasure and ecstacy of the encounter.
Let all your preconceived notions of what you would and wouldn’t do go.
Embrace your wildness.
Embrace your instinct.
Be animalistic and unpredictable!
**********
Have some sex today!
You can put all of this to work immediately and let me know how it turns out, for better or worse.
Enjoy 😉
Want to get your dating life handled?
Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
Great fuckin’ read, bro!
Every tip was great… #1 was a tough one for me as well.. I also noticed the more vocal I was the more she would enjoy herself. So true.
Loving this post.
-Jarod
Thanks Jarod. Glad you got some value
Hi! Good article. But what would you do if you very rarely get the chance to have sex, and once you get sex, you’re too nervous and inexperienced to be good in bed?
Hey Alex,
Thanks for commenting. If you rarely get the chance to have sex, then, first things first, you need to work on your ability to express yourself and cultivate your natural attractiveness.
At 19 I was a virgin and at 25 I’d only ever been with one woman. I was a skinny, funny-looking guy with blonde eye brows, a nig nose, poor dress sense and poor social skills.
Not all of those things have changed of course! But I adapted and evolved what I could. Most significantly, I developed the ability to express myself with power and integrity, to say what I was feeling inside and to feel every word that I say. Once you develop this ability, you experience a lot more freedom and create a lot more attraction.
Women love a man who can express his desires unashamedly.
After you learn to do this, then you’ll have lots of opportunities to be better in bed. And if you start out with a woman who you feel really comfortable with it’ll make the nerves and inexperience much easier to work with. I’ve been through this problem too, once being what I can best describe as, an ‘under-performer’ in the bedroom.
Hope this helps.
Awesome,..like all your tips..