As a normal, sane human being you probably make a concerted effort to avoid or eliminate awkward silences, stilted conversations and difficult circumstances.
No one enjoys being in a ‘that awkward moment when…’ scenario.
However, no matter how much you try to avoid it, they happen!
And the more you’re putting yourself out there, the more commonly they’ll happen. That’s the nature of living on your edge, pushing your comfort zones and expanding your capabilities.
The thing is, these situations don’t have to be avoided or eliminated. They can actually be embraced! And the more that you embrace them the more that you can succeed in spite of these difficulties.
Typically, upon entering the murky territory of a language barrier, saying something stupid or hitting an unexpected and awkward silence, most guys will make their excuses and exit the conversation. In-so-doing they negate the opportunity to succeed in spite of the difficulty, and more importantly, they negate the opportunity to grow.
Awkwardness should not be resisted or escaped, it should be accepted and embraced.
When this is the case the difficulty in the social situation is reduced because there’s not so much anxiety and stress around. It’s still awkward, just not sooo awkward! And just a little awkwardness isn’t too much that you can’t push forward and make good on a difficult interaction.
Take the video below for example. The conversation is, frankly, terrible! Due to the language barrier, cultural differences and the time constraint on the interaction the conversation is stilted, a little forced and somewhat uncomfortable. But in the end it’s okay!
Why? Because I’m okay with the awkwardness and move forward in spite of it.
This allows for a positive outcome in the interaction. However, more significantly, it serves as an opportunity to acclimatise to awkwardness.
The more that you can acclimatise to awkwardness, the more centred and stable you become, and the more that you are able to navigate difficult situations without crumbling. In this sense, awkward situations are an opportunity for growth and shouldn’t be shied away from.
In any awkward situation the standard protocol should be to accept, to embrace and to move forward in spite of the awkwardness.
If you’re finding it difficult, just take a deep breath, smile and hold eye contact.
And if you’re in a situation where you feel like something needs to be said, like an awkward silence, but you can’t think of anything, go to a statement that buys you a little more time to think. Here are some examples:
“You know what I noticed about you…” (pause and allow yourself to notice something, maybe about her appearance, her mannerisms or her energy)
“Let me ask you one more thing, I’m curious to know…” (pause and allow your curiosity to take over, ask her or make an assumption about her work/passion/hobbies/background)
The more you push through these awkward situations the more you acclimatise, and henceforth you become more comfortable and more creative in your conversations.
Before you know it uncomfortable and awkward situations will be just a blip on the radar. Nothing to fear or fret over, just another situation that you can easily navigate and succeed in.
Embrace being a comfortable-in-uncomfortable-situations kind of guy.
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Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
Really enjoyed reading your blog. Great video, it looks like you definitely have the charm!
Thanks Dani