Being in a relationship with a woman that you deeply love and who deeply loves you is one of the most powerful positions that you can embody.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu
Deep relationship and deep connection that is born out of desire, as opposed to need, is a catalyst for internal growth on levels that can’t otherwise be achieved. It leads you powerfully and positively in the direction of embracing your optimal potential and embodying some of the most powerful qualities that we can possess as human beings (see here for more on that).
On some level we crave it. On some level we understand just how enriching the right relationship could be for us. On some level we understand it’s significance.
Why then do so many men, perhaps yourself included, struggle to find and maintain significant relationships?
There are a number of reasons. Let’s start at the top..
1) You’re operating from a position of lack
Most guys haven’t really found themselves. They don’t know who they are, what they value and believe in, what their aspirations are or where they’re going. All they know is, if they could have a girlfriend or a series of sexual encounters they might feel a little better about being hopelessly lost.
When you’re coming from a place of lack, and looking to have your cup filled up by whatever woman you meet, you come across as fundamentally needy and hopeless. Women are repulsed by you, for nothing is as repulsive to a woman as a man who is needy and in search of having his cup filled up by external validation.
Rather than looking for fulfilment externally you need to turn back and find wholeness within yourself. Find out who you are, what you value and believe in, what your purpose is and where you’re headed (something we explore deeply in our programs).
Once you figure all this out you’ll feel good about yourself irrespective of having a girlfriend, and from this place of fulness you’ll find a woman to share all that you have to offer.
2) Your ego has fucked you up
We, as men, have become very confused within our culture, in a culture where the head dominates the heart. We’re often looking for qualities that have no bearing on our hearts desires, and instead qualities that will gratify our shallow ego.
We want a woman our friends will be impressed by rather than a woman who provides us with a deep connection.
We want a woman who doesn’t challenge us rather than a woman who forces us to confront our insecurities and abandon our bad habits.
We want a woman who agrees with all our ideas rather than a woman that points out the flaws in our ideas and highlights the alternative.
We’re in love with the idea of love, not recognising that the idea of love is completely removed from the reality of it. That reality is that deep connection doesn’t always fulfil the fantasy of what you imagine your girlfriend to be like, and a feminine woman will challenge you on all kinds of levels you may not feel prepared for.
So long as you’re in love with the idea of love and not the reality of it you’ll be running around in circles, forgoing true connection in favour of a fantasy that will never truly deliver what you need.
3) Your fear of failure has resulted in an inability to succeed
You’ve come to believe in the hype that surface level external circumstances are meaningful, such as a woman’s response to your advances. This stems in no small part from your lack of fulfilment. You don’t feel full and whole and complete within yourself, so you look for feedback from the way others respond to you.
The result of this is that you’re paralysed by fear, for if you attempt to strike up a conversation with a woman you’re attracted to and she’s not interested, your self-image is shattered into a million pieces like a weak glass object.
The truth of the matter is, more-often-than-not ‘rejection’ says more about whatever was going on in her world than it does about you. And even when it was because of you, it wasn’t because of who you are, rather, it was because of simple, correctable patterns of behaviour that you were exhibiting in the moment (I can help you with that).
However, you will never recognise this until you are internally validated, until you have a healthy sense of self-esteem that is not at the mercy of the way others respond to you. Until this happens you will always be paralysed by fear. After this happens your fear will be transformed into excitement that empowers you rather than holds you back.
4) You’ve lost touch with your masculine core
The gradual homogenisation of gender roles since the dawn of the agricultural revolution just 10,000 years ago, a short time back in the context of our 200,000 year old existence as Homo Sapiens, has resulted in the dissolution of the clear embodiment of the essence of our masculinity/femininity.
More and more you don’t know what it means to be masculine and therefore can’t attract a woman, for what it is that attracts a woman is very simple… embodying your masculinity!
You’ve lost touch with your ability to move with purpose, direction and presence in the world. You’ve lost touch with the ability to penetrate a woman, just in your very being, through the way you look at her, the way that you smile at her, the way that you speak to her, the way that you put your attention upon her unwaveringly.
You’ve become limp! You’re about as useful and attractive as a flaccid penis in the throes of passion.
You need to turn back and connect with your masculine core. Reestablish your manhood. Embrace your natural capacity to be purposeful, present, decisive, directional and penetrative (I can help you here too). Once you do this your natural attractiveness will shine through and opportunity for relationship will present itself left and right.
5) You’re the victim of your tendency to withdraw from life’s challenges
Everything I’ve suggested so far you know. Deep down you already know it. But you’re in denial. You, like many men, have the tendency to withdraw from the challenges of life rather than embody your warrior spirit and meet them head on.
You would rather pick up the controller of your playstation on returning from the job you hate than think about how far you are from happiness.
You would rather stuff your face full of quavers whilst numbing your mind by watching X factor than to even consider what you need to do to step up to the plate and make your deepest desires manifest.
You have a distinct preference for the surface level satisfaction that is so easily attained by beer and movies rather than the deep satisfaction that comes from real connection and true life purpose.
The problem is, you can’t withdraw from life! You can’t withdraw from your hearts deepest desires. You can only postpone facing up to them as they become increasingly more difficult. You have to make the choice to break the pattern of withdrawal and embrace your warrior spirit. Until you do you’d better get accustomed to the unsatisfactory status quo that you currently embody.
However, once you embrace your warrior spirit everything will change, including your capacity to create attraction and connection with women that you deeply desire.
Admit to yourself that you have the desire for deep connection, and allow that desire to grow and permeate every part of your being, and very quickly you’ll begin to transcend all of the aforementioned barriers to creating an incredible relationship.
“The starting point of all achievement is desire.” -Napoleon Hill
Want to get your dating life handled?Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.