It’s confession time… I have a fetish!
No, I don’t mean I’m into sucking toes, attracted to leather or that I get turned on by being tied up. I simply mean that I have an abnormal attraction to something that most people just aren’t that into.
The truth is, I have a fetish for fear!
Allow me to clarify. I’m not saying I like to be scared when I’m having sex, but rather that I enjoy fear in a way that is almost sexual.
Rather than running from fear, rather than fighting it, rather than resisting it, I like to FEEL it. I like to be seduced by fear.
I like to feel it so fully that it consumes me; to be awakened by the butterflies in my belly, to enjoy my heartbeat rise and feel the blood pump quicker through my body, to be excited by my breath as it gets shorter and sharper. I like to embrace the sensation of aliveness that permeates every cell in my body when fear calls!
And guess what?
It turns me on!
I say ‘yes’ to my fear. Not just a quiet little ‘yes’, but instead a loud and proud ‘FUCK YES!’ The same kind of ‘FUCK YES’ that you scream at the top of your voice when having wild and passionate sex with someone that really gets the juices flowing.
I’m allured, tempted and charmed by fear. I’m drawn in by fear, drawn to lean into the edge of my insecurities, to dance in the face of my inhibitions and to run beyond self-doubt, so seductive is fear to me.
For fear, to me, is like a magnet that pulls me in the direction I need to go in. And that pull is ecstatic, electrifying and exhilarating. I can’t resist it.
The more I feel fear, the more tempted I become. The more I feel fear, the more curious I get. The more I feel fear, the more I really want to know… ‘What waits for me on the other side?’
And just like sex, when it’s really, really good sex, what waits for me on the other side is a deeper connection. A deeper connection to myself, a deeper connection to others, and a deeper connection to the nature of life -which is wild and free and completely uninhibited.
Fear is my foreplay, fear is what touches, tickles, teases me and turns me on.
Fear is a dance that ripples through my body, and if I let it, it awakens my senses.
Fear is my friend. Actually, she’s more than my friend, she’s my lover.
She’s wild and unpredictable and I never know when she’s going to set me alight. I only know that she’s so seductive that I have no choice, whenever she beckons I follow.
And I know that whenever she calls to me she takes me to places I’ve never been before, places I couldn’t even dream of.
She helps me to understand who I am, who I REALLY am when I’m free, flowing and unrestricted.
Fear can be a cruel mistress. If I try to fight or forget her she can torture me. She can stifle me and cause me to fall flat in the face of my deepest desires.
But if I love her with every fibre of my being, if I give her the attention she deserves and I embrace her, hold her lovingly and feel her fully, she rewards me with freedom, flow and full body aliveness.
If I penetrate her with my presence the whole world becomes still, time stops, and I merge completely with this moment, with this life.
I become expansive.
I embody my uninhibited and optimal self.
I am complete.
Whenever I remember, I don’t fight fear, I fuck her. I fuck her tenderly, with total presence and all my heart.
Fear is my inspiration, my muse. She teaches me time and again what living truly is.
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