It is said that there are only two things you can be sure of in life; death and taxes. Well, I’d say, as men, we can expect three things; death, taxes and emotional storms from the women we love.
Ladies, please don’t take this as a jibe, for it is your emotional storms that cause us as men to grow stronger, to be more stable, centred and present in the face of life’s challenges, if we let them!
A woman’s emotional storms serve an incredibly powerful purpose in a man’s life. Though, admittedly, often we fail to acknowledge their significance. Typically, we see them as an irrational, unnecessary waste of time and we allow ourselves to become frustrated in the face of them.
This often results in a failure to embrace our strength, stability, centredness and presence, and instead a lashing out of anger and frustration. But anger and frustration will only ever serve to turn a minor emotional storm into a hurricane.
Gentlemen, all of the things that your woman does that you find intolerable, from creating drama to being wild and unpredictable, from relentlessly challenging your insecurities to unleashing emotional turmoil, will never, ever be solved by returning it with anger and frustration and pointing out how illogical it all is.
The shadow cast by your woman’s emotional storms cannot be removed by the darkness of your frustration in pointing out what seems to be the madness of it, and asking for it to stop. As Martin Luther King famously said:
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.”
The truth of the matter is, the shadow of your woman’s emotional storms can only be illuminated and cast away by your centredness and the loving presence that shines forth from it.
All of the drama, craziness and emotional chaos is put to bed by the love that you offer from the eye of the storm, from that place of calmness, that place in which you are unshakable and absolutely powerfully still and present.
From this place you operate with perfect empathy and total humility. You see clearly that your woman’s challenge, though it seems out-of-the-blue and unrelated to the sequence of events that preceded it, is perfectly timed, perfectly placed and brings you right back to the roots of how much you love and care for her, so long as you don’t fight against it.
However, as men, often we don’t arrive at this place. We don’t arrive at the place of our deepest strengths because society has led us to believe that our place of strength is actually a place of weakness. Society teaches us to dominate and control, not to be a ‘doormat’ and not to get walked all over.
And so we’re confused. We think we need to control our women and tell them they’re wrong and to be quiet and that we won’t tolerate it anymore, and that anything else is being weak or pathetic somehow.
What we don’t understand is that this only fans the flames. Being controlling is actually the weak and unimaginative option that arises from the fear of being seen as a ‘doormat’, and it creates more chaos.
If we want to maintain boundaries for what we perceive to be acceptable behaviour from the women we love, we must understand that this will only ever be achieved when we’re centred, calm and present in the midst of the fire.
When this is the case the flames and the challenge die down of their own accord.
They are weathered by the cooling and soothing presence that you offer in the face of them. This cooling and soothing presence often manifests in offerings of humility and love; the willingness to take responsibility for whatever may have contributed to the fiery explosion, even when it seems as though blame might rest elsewhere.
It is this level of humility, compassion and love that settles the chaos down in an irresistible fashion. When you embody total humility, no one can compete with you because you don’t compete with them. There is no resistance, nothing to fight against.
This humility represents absolute strength and absolute power, and it comes from remaining centred like the steely blue in the midst of a flame. Not through getting angry, not through trying to control, not through any of the many manifestations of fear. But through unwavering, unshakable presence.
Herein lies the greatest meditation of all -being centred in the face of the storms and the eruptions and wildness of the woman you hold in highest esteem.
What a beautiful and deep, deep challenge!
This is not being a ‘doormat’, this is embodying your power.
The next time you are faced with a deep challenge or emotional storm from the woman you love, stay centred and present. And from this place, understand her, understand her and her perspective. However illogical or crazy her story might sound, it doesn’t matter. Forget the details and just remember that her feelings right now are absolutely raw and absolutely real!
Think about how it would feel to carry that anger, that rage, that unpredictability.
Consider how deeply you love her, how much you care for her, how much you want her to feel at peace.
She wants peace too, but she wants you to take her there.
She needs to feel your centredness, your humility, your willingness to weather the storm.
She wants you to be the one to bring her wildness to rest.
She wants to feel your power.
Give it to her. Give here the gift of your presence, your humility and your love. Weather the storm and kill her drama with the depth of your loving presence.
Want to get your dating life handled?
Sebastian Callow is a personal dating coach for men in London. Unlike other dating services he provides a practical, real-life coaching experience that actually involves meeting and interacting with women in everyday situations. Sebastian helps men develop the comfort and ease to express themselves with raw honesty. If you're unhappy with your dating life and you're hungry for change, the Personal Coaching Course could be exactly what you need.
I definitely needed this over time I observed that was losing centerdness and trying to justify my actions or fight it somehow. Thanks for posting this there aren’t many advice for keeping loving relationships. Thanks
Great blog man. I also watched a video where you discussed something similar, but why not have relationships with girls who are also present? Do you think there’s such a thing as relationships that are relatively drama-free?
Thanks Andria
Thanks for commenting Ollie. Of course we want relationships with women who are grounded and present. However, women, and especially very feminine women, will naturally feel a greater depth of emotion than men. If they are truly present and one with the intensity of their emotions this will naturally be reflected in a way of being that is more up-and-down than men, and potentially it can even be somewhat volatile. This is not a negative thing per se, and I would say their is a difference between an unhealthy drama that plays out due to an individuals neuroses and a healthy kind of drama that is the natural manifestation of a woman who is completely at one with her emotions. In this post I am mainly referring to the latter.
In my experience I find the this kind of woman, who is more emotionally variable and may appear to the masculine mind to be somewhat wild, much more attractive than a woman who operates on a more neutral emotional plain.